Last year I had a simple goal to just read more.
From November 2018 to December 2019, I read 28 books. That is 7500+ pages (click to see what I read).
I’m so freakin’ proud of myself!
To say that I wasn’t much of a reader before is an understatement.
In school, my required reading would get done, but barely.
As an adult, the most I would read in any given year would be the September issue of Vogue (cover to cover) and perhaps every single online commentary on the Game of Thrones.
If I were to really analyze the root cause of written wordlessness in my life was because of the following:
First, reading was never a value.
One summer in college, I vacationed with my friend’s family, I remember wandering out to the kitchen on morning bleary-eyed reaching for a cup of coffee to find the entire family, dad, step-mom, sister, and brothers quietly reading… in silence. They each nodded at me, armed me with a croissant, and sent me off with the Lifestyle page. I don’t remember ever lounging about in PJs reading with my family.
I do remember, however, watching the Saturday lineup from Dance Fever to Solid Gold sitting in a semi-circle around the Magnavox ceremoniously stacking clementine peels as a family. (Grandma included.)
Another reason why I didn’t read much before isn’t a reflection of my lack of curiosity, entertainment, or intellect.
Reading for pleasure, without purpose, for long stretches, seemed frivolous.
To read had to have a purpose: learn something, do well in school, be better than your nonstop chattering younger brother. 😉
In my effort to know more, I had erroneously cast the verb “to read” in the heap of nouns in the self-help section of life. (Recently, I discovered that I had hidden the word “to run” there too! Aha!)
The primary unmotivational motivation for not reading until now is my absolute inability to remain still.
Reading requires one to stay in one place in thought, space, and mind.
This is hard for me. It always has been.
I realized this quickly as I struggled to teach focus to my daughter, Sienna. As I attempted to girdle the homework embattlement around her each night, we orbited each other with “anything else but” until we ended in a heap of exhaustion with homework undone, but a start to a latch hook project, a batch of cookies, and maybe some Pokémon drawings.
By the way, I married a pillar transfixed, a zen-like model of focus that makes takes my chaotic party to the library everyday. So, wait… where am I going with this?
OH YES! I realized that I as I read more, I could BE STILL! And the more still I remained, the MORE I saw in my world, in my children, in my family… and I LIKED that feeling.
I didn’t have to always DO something.
Being still has so many interesting benefits.
Like, did you know that you don’t really need to say much to actively parent?
If you listen, and remain still, the answers come out themselves!!!
The kids they want to solve their own problems, and if you listen and repeat the words they say to you, they actually figure it out themselves!!! Reading taught me that kids can solve their own problems…
NOT A BOOK, just being still and reading.
There is so much written out there are on best method to achieve your New Year’s resolutions. But for all of the literary internet greats, there are many more plans gone by the wayside or pacts that end in symbolic fireworks by Lunar New Year (the opportunity to start a second time!).
At the end of 2019, I have surprised myself with the smashing success of my New Year’s resolution. 🎇🥂
And really, isn’t that the way it should be?
It wasn’t a dramatic change that came overnight with one look “at the man in the mirror.” It was a series of little changes that happened over the year in little moments that turned into a habit and then a lifeline.
Here are the practical ways that I was able to achieve my reading goals. It can give you insight on how to achieve yours too!
Make It Frictionless: I bought myself a Kindle Paperwhite because I was always loosing my damn book somewhere. My Kindle is light, portable, and YES, it looks like paper! I know there are diehard paper-lovers out there, and I am not one of them.
The glow that comes from electronics gives me life from within, so the Kindle is perfect for me.
I can also carry my entire of library of books with me, and it delivers books instantly to Hong Kong, which is not an easy task. Another thing that I love about my Kindle is that I can toggle between two books at the same time… Sometimes I can’t bear to read more of one book because a beloved protagonist seems to making some bad choices.
- Use Your Friends: Oprah had it going on by bringing community to the experience of reading. My book club is a monthly casual gathering of women of all ages and backgrounds whose main common point is that we were once at Wellesley. We say what brings us together is the book, but honestly it is the the Har Gow and wine. The book is optional, the wine is not.
- Connect With Your Values: Sadly 2019 did not include Saturday evening ministrations of gold lame leotard clad dancers gyrating to the top 40 hits (clearly, someone needs to bring that shit back!).
I needed to walk the walk of reading to my kids to show how it could clearly be a family value.
This meant, I had to read with my kids…
Read what they were reading, talked about what I was reading, discussed what they wanted to read next, and debated the plot the characters and ideas of what they were reading now. And honestly, I caught up on things that I pretended to read in Middle School, but never truly understood (Orwell’s Animal Farm, anyone? I thought that was about Looney Toones set in Gorky Park!)
- Give It a Reason: Reading gave me purpose to start Infinite Screentime. Not only the research required to put together a product and philosophy, but the space to think about where the research was going and how it was informing our behavior in our the home.
Reading lit up a tiny path for what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and quieted the voices of the what I rest of the world was saying that I should do and be.
- Put It Into Your Routine: As I designed ways to integrate reading into my everyday life, it became clear that I needed to replace my new desired habit (reading) with another less desirable one (scrolling mindlessly on Facebook and Instagram).
go get it, girl!
By saying YES to reading I was saying no to something else.
And as someone whose mission it is to make screentime life more productive, I made it very clear that I wanted to replace reading with my social media fix.
Let’s pause a moment to say that reading on my Kindle is screentime too!
Reading became the thing that I did before I went to sleep to rest my mind, to unwind from the day, and ready myself for sleep. For sometime, it was Facebook, Instagram, or a quick sesh on Clash Royale (Find me @darthmom!!!).
It’s not that I don’t enjoy these activities, but I wanted to clean up my sleep hygiene because sometimes clicking down a rabbit hole of reasons “Why Hollywood Won’t Caste Amanda Bynes Anymore” simply made my brain feel unfresh before bedtime.
So here is my tip! I removed my iPhone from my bedside table, and replaced it with the Kindle.
(I will write on this more later!)
And…. That’s pretty much it!
New Year’s Resolutions come but once a year, but we all know that it is a journey of ups and downs that is marked by dry spells and restarts. What has worked for me is to tie the resolution to groups of people who are counting on you to succeed, to habits that are integrated into your daily routine, make it easy and fun to go for your new habit, and celebrate the successes.
For 2020, my New Years resolution is very simple: To write more…
Here is how I plan on doing it.
I will write for 20-30 minutes each morning before the kids come storming into the my cocoon of stillness. If I feel inspired to write more, I will prioritize it in my day, without wasting my time cleaning my wastebasket. I will share my writing with you each week in my various channels of creativity, with impunity, joy, and courage!
I will be still, I will be still, I will be S T I L L…
Wish me luck for 2020!