I have a confession.
I am a shameless mom. I have posted every conceivable kind of photo of my kids on social media.
It started when I became a mom because I just couldn’t believe these humans came out of my body.
I have posted them all…
- The braggy ones: Photos serving at the local soup kitchen? Check! Prideful photos when they’ve won awards? Check!
- The bratty ones: Flailing around crying when asked to do homework? Check! Baby giving me the stink eye because of vegetables? Check!
- The embarrassing ones: Naked photos in the tub? Half-naked photos going to the potty? Completely naked photos with just the naughty bits covered by clip art? Check! Check! Check!
There has been so much nakedness…
But no more…
From this day forward I SHALL ASK PERMISSION from each of my kids before I post a photo of them online.
This means the number of posts for my gratification and your notification will go way down. I’m sorry about that, because I know you really wanted to know (but really, you probably don’t) if my child lost a tooth, successfully pinched her first loaf, or even won the Pulitzer.
I want my kids to be in control of their online identity. WHY?
The satirically accurate The Onion will explain through a very convincing 6 year old who says, she “was completely taken advantage of and pimped out for LIKES.”
My son is at the age where he’s considering his own Instagram account, and if there’s already a proliferation of his nakedness out there, how will he be able to forge forward, fully clothed, fully aware and in control of his future?
As parents we are the first in line to protect our kin, and at some point, posting with no permission is akin to violation.
I’ll admit, this isn’t easy for me.
I want to tell the world when my kids make me angry, joyful, and full of pride. I think this is why scarymommy.com is such a phenomenon. I laugh out loud with Anna Macfarlane of @kidsaretheworst because she adds a shot of therapeutic vodka to motherhood at the expense of our kids. Anna is kinda right, “kids are the WORST,” but, do they deserve our distain when they are so defenceless?
So, I’m turning over a new leaf… I’ve decided that now, if…
I feel the need to show my children’s faces, bodies, and beings, I will ask their permission first.
This act gives me a chance to teach them about internet privacy. I’ll be able to talk to them about their online image and data permanence. It allows me to tell them stories about things that can haunt them, like yearbook messages, hateful tweets, and compromising snaps. (If Facebook were around in the 90s, I’d be screwed!)
I don’t want to scare them, but I do want them to be aware and in control.
When I had professional photos taken for this website by the multitalented Lisa Rayman Goldfarb @lrgphoto, all three of my kids felt strongly about the important message of Infinite Screentime that they offered to pose with their screentime at home.
In this professional photoshoot (perfect skin, smiling faces, artistically posed for social media) they knew fully that it would be posted on a public website for all to see. We talked clearly about what it meant for them in the future.
By having this conversation, I started the process to build a family vocabulary about how technology can be used to serve you if carefully calibrated. This initial conversation always turns into more questions, research, and understanding. I end up learning so much from them! And we build the habit of working together to create a safe and creative space.
In February 2013, Time Magazine featured a new word in our social media driven lexicon entitled, “Sharenting”.
There is lots of debate from both sides about whether this is good or bad. But I’m convinced that it isn’t great. If you still need to be swayed then just listen to our kids tell us very clearly why they need to be in control.
I want to give them a safe space to explore who they are in this digital world that’s getting more and more binary.
For now, I want to apologize to them for what is already out there… because, I can’t take it all back.
But from now on, I’ll ask permission to post.
Join me and take the #permissiontopostpledge.
LINK HERE to CHANGE.ORG to Sign my Petition
http://chng.it/SV26G5P9wv
http://chng.it/SV26G5P9wv
Join @infinitescreentime and take the Permission to Post Pledge