What should we do about Instagram and our girls?
A few weeks ago, the Wall Street Journal published a detailed exposé revealing how Facebook downplayed internal research about Instagram’s toxicity and negative impact on teen girls’ mental health. (I know, this article is behind a firewall. If you have access, it is a must-read!) It is part of WSJ’s in-depth analysis of the company called the “Facebook Files.”
For those of you who don’t have access, here are the highlights, specifically for our daughters…
- Instagram conducted multiple focus groups, online surveys and diary studies over a number of years and never shared the data, even though insights were requested by Capitol Hill
- Facebook knows that Instagram is not always good for teen girls, and yet they are focusing their marketing on young girls. More than 40% of Instagram’s users are 22 years old and younger.
- A 2019 presentation slide said: “We make body-image issues worse for one in three teenage girls” In 2020, the research found 32% of teenage girls surveyed said when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse
- Another slide said teenagers blamed Instagram for increased levels of anxiety and depression
- Some 13% of UK teenagers and 6% of US users surveyed traced a desire to kill themselves to Instagram
Not to add fuel to the fire, but in a recent study of high school kids by the CDC (2019), 37% of high school students had experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. “Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” was defined as this feeling every day for two weeks or more in a row.
Source: CDC National Youth Risk Behavior Surveys. Credit: www.cdc.gov
If you have daughters, this data should send chills up your spine!
I know for me, it makes me want to hold my two daughters very tightly, take away all devices, and shut down all contact with the outside world.
You too?
(please say I’m not alone!)
Unfortunately, locking up our daughter would only make the situation worse, and we have always known that social media and depression do not mix.
So… What should we do about this?
1. If your daughter is not on Instagram yet, wait until she is at least 13. And if you are uncomfortable with her starting after 13, explain the reasons why…
NOTE: Instagram’s age limit is 13, and it’s good practice to try to heed to these age limitations exist for a reason… for now… The WSJ report comes in the wake of Facebook reaffirming its intention to continue with the development of an Instagram for kids under 13 despite pressure from lawmakers to abandon the plan.
2. Talk to her about the findings in the WSJ article. Just like we read the food labels for ingredients, it’s important for us to know how tech companies develop their products. Kids hate to feel like they are being manipulated so you might be surprised by their reaction to the article. You are not the culprit here… Facebook is. Show her how being an informed consumer is power.
3. Ask her opinions about the article. Has her perspective of Instagram changed? CoolTech Mom Liz Gumbinner shared her teen daughters reaction to the article and her simple response redeemed the future of women of the world! “I think people should stop following the people who make them feel bad about themselves.”
4. Check on Instagram. Sit next to her, tech parallel on the couch. You scroll your feed. She scrolls her feed. Do a show and tell about what you are seeing, learning, and most importantly share how it makes you FEEL.
5. Listen without judgement. It’s likely that your teen will be so grateful for you to know the social challenges that she is facing. Using Instagram as a conduit to fuel these conversations is actually such a gift.
6. Look for other signs of depression: not sleeping, failing classes, expressing severe pain and turmoil. If you see signals of mental health struggles, it’s important to know how to talk and listen and seek professional help.
The truth is…
Instagram, or some form of social media, is here to stay.
Connection, comparison, and identity are all part of adolescence. Teenager’s brains are wired for new experiences, so Instagram is a way that they are exploring themselves. In order to support them, let’s model what positive social media looks like.
I love what Dr. Booth Watkins, psychiatrist and associate director of The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital says about what we can do:
“The biggest tool in the toolbox of a parent is being able to model resilience, self-compassion, and mindfulness.”
This means…
- Pause before you react
- Validate feelings
- Empathize with others
And this goes for social media and IRL (In Real Life).
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