Trends come and go, but the desire to express and connect will always thrive… particularly for our teens.
And with the advent of social media, there is nothing more frightening than putting that developmental stage for all to see. Good judgment is not something that teens excel at (wait until they are 25 😭), and their emotional brain is not firing in unison with their rational brain. I don’t know about you, but I’m counting my personal blessings because only Polaroids exist of my “Purple Rain” stage of teendom.
So, in honour of the latest dangerous social media challenge combining Chicken and Nyquil, let’s talk about TikTok…
In the beginning, TikTok’s embrace of wackiness and absence of anything even marginally serious was its prime attraction, and its most marketable one. The fact that the parents in the room seemed to be preoccupied with sharing baby pictures on Facebook, made those same babies run to it.
TikTok was (and still is!) an ideal format with its quick and flip format, dance and music beats, and gangly gang of youth. It’s fast, fun, and a serious time suck. Perfect for procrastination, which is exactly what our teens are wired to do. So extensive and cross-cultural is this right to slack for any pubescent generation, we tend to overlook the fact that TikTok’s big daddy is China. (more on that later.)
And like all brands, between all generations there is a gap. TikTok has showcased its own evolving trends from its origins as the hashtag alt internet in the early 2020s. Virginia Heffernan in Wired Magazine described TikTok back in 2021, as the “raucous return of the old ’90s themes: self-savagery, acid disdain for the rich, anti-commercialism, open mental illness, and every shade of irony.” (I can relate to that!) Today, TikTok is a menage of bits of lip-syncing, dancing, and edits on a much more generalized content stream that feels like a glossy shopping mall. To say TikTok equals teen spirit is reflective of the hierarchy of high school. My friend’s son, when giving me a tour of his new middle school, pointed to a bench in the courtyard and said, “This is where the girls in the school wearing halter tops make TikTok videos.”
Not being on TikTok for many teens is like trying to resist the pull of that bench in the courtyard. You need to have a strong sense of resolve, and more importantly, something far greater calling you. While much of TikTok is harmless fun, there are real concerns about kids using the app.
TikTok challenges, like Blackout, Benadryl, and Skull Breaker, have resulted in dire consequences for teens particularly when the app serves up content based on an algorithm that reflects your demographic and “likes.” If your profile is adolescent and irrational (read: the definition of kids), then the most popular TikTok videos will range from the harmless, silly, to calls for danger and death.
As with any social network, you have to use privacy settings to limit how much information you and your kids are sharing. Because you can post videos immediately without first reviewing or editing them, kids can upload impulsively. Talk to your kids about the WHY we post. Give them the opportunity to share in a small curated group. Give them an opportunity to pause before a post.
Common Sense recommends the app for age 15+ mainly due to the privacy issues and mature content. TikTok requires that users be at least 13 years old to use the full TikTok experience, although there is a way for younger kids to access the app. If you supervise your kids, use safety settings, and stick to songs you already know, TikTok can be a kid-friendly experience.
Families are rightfully obsessed with TikTok too! Particularly through the pandemic, we saw many parental units joining forces with the kid brigade on dance challenges. Kids love it when you participate in any wackiness, and it’s a fun way to connect through the platform.
I strongly encourage this! You are creating pathways to connect and communicate on the platform, and this will serve you in the long run. Here are some easy ways to dabble in the dance.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), you won’t see me on TikTok anytime soon because it is banned in Hong Kong. Back in 2020, ByteDance, TikTok’s parent company based in China, halted Hong Kong’s access after the Chinese government imposed the latest security law in the city making it easier to prosecute protestors and reducing the city’s autonomy.
This highly political move creates distance between TikTok and China, but at the end of the day is a complicated dance to coordinate. Last week TikTok’s COO, Vanessa Pappas, answered pointed questions from US Senators on possible data leaks to the Chinese government, the first time a leader at the company has had to answer to lawmakers in public about recent reports on its ties to Beijing.
So what does this mean for parents?
Well, my opinion is… Bytedance is TikTok’s parent. So, unless you can show that the hatching has completely cleaved the nest, little birdie will always have a path home.
The fact that my kids don’t have access to TikTok is a bit of a Godsend. It’s not a topic at school, there is no bench in the courtyard. This gives me time to focus on less platforms and more conversations.
Showing our kids how to develop their sense of digital agency and responsibility, and resist the temptation to participate in social media challenges that are dangerous or destructive, is so important. To help your kids do this, use the topic of online challenges and digital privacy as a way to bring up how social media impacts and shapes our identities, —and how it shapes the way others might see us, too.
I love this lesson on shaping your digital footprint module from Common Sense Media as a way to connect social media use to everyday implications.
Helping your kids to be their best selves on social media is an ongoing conversation. Here are a handful of questions you can use to start authentic conversations with your kids, no matter what types of online challenges may pop up in the future.
- What inspires anyone to participate in a challenge?
- What do you think it means to be an ethical “creator”?
- What types of online communities do you want to build or foster with the content you create?
- Thinking about your future: What do you want your posts to say about you?
You might be surprised with their response! My kids scoffed off social media challenges as attention grabbing at the lowest and most base level. And after watching the trending TikToks from September, I think I understand what they mean.